Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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