No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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