imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
