i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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