That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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