I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Still dying that you shit outside
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
