I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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