from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
