She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize