her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
