i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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