I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
