Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
