I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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