i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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