Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
