so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
