Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
