i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
