her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
