can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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