Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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