ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
