just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
