do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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