Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize