Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
