This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
