The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Randomize
