ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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