I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
