I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
