apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So vagazzling was a success
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
