Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
