HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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