Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
