If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
