bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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