Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
