HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
