i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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