I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
there's paper in my vomit.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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