I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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