i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize