after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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