Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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