Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you traded sex for a burrito?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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