Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
