Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
