You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
