Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I will be naked everywhere
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
