It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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