I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
