I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize