so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
