so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We have started to decorate penises.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
