It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
