my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize