so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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