He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
love makes seman taste better
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
