He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
