wakey wakey hands off snakey
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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